p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
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I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
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IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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