don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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