isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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