So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
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I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
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you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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