You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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