I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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