she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
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Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
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Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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