HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
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I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
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When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dick very happy bro
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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