Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
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It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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