a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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