he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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