If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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