you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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