Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
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Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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