I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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