i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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