Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
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the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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