he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize