so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
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So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
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Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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