this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We're too hungover to prance.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize