I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize