I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize