I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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