I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
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You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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