I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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