haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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