Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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