if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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