i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
