That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
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What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
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You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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