Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize