This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize