she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
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I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
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In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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