dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
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I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
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"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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