Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize