i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
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Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
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I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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