she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize