It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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