R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
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How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
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why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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