I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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