Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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