theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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