she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize