A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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