dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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