i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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