Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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