We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize