Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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