We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
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His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
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I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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