weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
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We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
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got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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