So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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