i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
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when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
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I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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