soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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