its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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